On Saturday, May 26th, Danielle and I left our home in North Portland for a short camping trip with her family over near Bend, Oregon. That was the last time we saw Jesus, our cat. I don’t know if anyone has had a cat go missing before, but it’s a really sucky experience. Our dog Toula has been really sad the whole time, probably wondering if she was next on the chopping block. How do you tell your dog that Jesus left for Jesus?

Our friend came to our house on Sunday and gave Jesus plenty of spankings, as all cats love. That was the last time anyone we know had seen him. We came back home on Monday, and Jesus didn’t return. Concern became worry, worry became fear, and eventually we came to the conclusion our cat was gone.

Now a bit about Jesus, he’s a Bengal cat which characteristically means a few things; loud, exotic, and loud. Jesus also happened to be fearless and friendly (his best friend is a pitbull). Lastly, he’s been a sick cat for awhile. His stripes and spots aren’t as prominent since we let him be an outside cat. (and for those that know the breed, and know you don’t let bengals be outside cats should also know that Jesus isn’t fun to have couped up; knocks over water glasses, shreds toiletpaper and paper towel rolls, meows constantly, jumps on the back of people, and knocks over potted plants. He won the battle and we had to make a change).

Anyhow, Tuesday was our sad realization day. Jesus wasn’t just off playing somewhere, he was gone. So that night we got some pictures printed up and that evening we walked around the neighborhood to see if anyone had seen him. Now I live in North Portland, so it’s what people like to call “up and coming.” Some folks I met were really nice and helpful, some folks made me sick in the pit of my stomach. It was like watching Borat and thinking, “stupid fucking americans.” One lady even told us to watch out for the Cambodians on the corner, because they’ll steal your pet and eat it. What?!?!?!? This is how it is.

Everyone had seen Jesus and commented on how skinny he is, and that they all had tried to feed him. His health is related to his stomach, anyone seeing a connection? The same lady who suggested the Cambodians might have eaten him, also praised herself for cooking all the stray cats in the neighborhood a whole turkey during the winter. Wow. Ignorance IS bliss.

On Wednesday evening we had a save Jesus barbecue, I designed some flyers and was dying to put “Save Jesus” as the header but was afraid it would offend any potential help. Which ended up being the right call. So the header said, “Missing Cat”. With a picture pasted on. But tricky me, behind the picture says, “Jesus goes here.” Had to get my joke on.

Here’s the pic:

On Thursday morning I went around the ‘hood and plastered a few of my flyers around. Sure enough we got a bite later that evening. A guy said he had saw him and had him in his garage. So I put on some pants (it was hot in Portland that day) and ran over to the guy’s house. Unfortunately we couldn’t find the cat in his garage and from his description, it didn’t sound quite like Jesus. The good news to me however was that my flyers were working and people were on the lookout.

So today rolls around, we’re in a despair a little bit. We start wondering if he will ever show up. Toula was moping about, Danielle was too. But don’t worry about me, I always hold it down.
I also knew today I had a date with a friend’s girlfriend to go to the Apple store and help her pick out a MacBook. As I was driving downtown to meet her, Danielle called me and told her a neighbor described Jesus and said she had him (I wasn’t putting my number on the flyer). Ursula, who had our cat, was sure of the fact we were bad owners for a few reasons.

1) He’s so Skinny
2) He’s always out in the rain
3) He’s out all hours of the day and night
4) He always comes in our house and sleeps in our cat’s bed.

I had to spend about 15 minutes with Ursula describing the situation and prove to her why all of those things above weren’t exactly what they appeared. I let her know our cat’s name was pronounced “Hey-Zeus” because she had a big cross hanging around her neck. But you know what? God bless you Ursula, your intentions were good and we are so happy to have our cat back.

I had to cancel my trip to the Apple store, and although bummed, the trip back home was worth it.

That is the story of how I found Jesus.

My next steps were:

1) Hang more flyers, a redesign was absolutely necessary, the kerning wasn’t quite right.
2) Build a Save Jesus the Cat website, which I am sure would have gotten some serious pub.
3) Buy Danielle a new cat.

Thank goodness he’s back.

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